I am at a point in my life where I stand at a crossroads.

I was born and grew up wanting to be a star, wanting to be famous, wanting to be a heroin, wanting to fight for a cause and win.  I made mistakes, broken the law, acted out, stood out, and now have a beautiful child that is looking to me to build a life for her to grow up in.  This brings fear and excitement to my heart.  I can not sleep and am hoping to take this time to provide a plan to grow up myself.  I am Danger from For the Love of Ray J.  I am Monica Laura Leon daughter, sister, and now mother.  Wild and crazy, sexual and uninhibited, tattooed, and fearless.  As a mother I cannot be any of these things I have grown accustomed to.  My self identity has become sooooo many different things, and in the media I have been portrayed as a negative, insane, lewd girl. 

At this crossroads, many decisions have to be made.  I am a single mother of color in America.  I have to provide a household for my child and a stable environment for her to flourish and grow and this has become my top priority.  I knew when I became pregnant that I would have to change.  Prior to filming the Ray J show I was a woman who modified her morals, standards and upbringing to cope with what I was doing in my own destructive selfishness.  After filming the television show, I was brutally honest about the life I chose to live and my family and friends have suffered over the choices that I have made and the public ridicule it has caused.  Slogans like “Danger Smashed the Homies” and nude photos scour the internet upon an easy search of my name.  Transitioning from who I was to who I am to who I want to become is a difficult necessity for my self preservation and my newborn daughter.   

As a single mother, I reflect on what kind of mother I want to be and who I am as a person.  I am an artist.  First and always.  I see everything as self expression, and art.  During my times of great hardship, I have created paintings, and written in a diary to see myself through these dark hours.  I want to help women and children of great poverty and disillusionment, people who are lost in this world and need help remembering who they are, like I once forgot.  Vulnerable minds, who forget to listen to their own voices, or those who need encouragement to, instead of falling victim to the vampires or pimps of the world that seek out personal gain and destroy what used to be innocent’s lives.  These prevalent forces make others coward under their feet with false promises and cruel intentions.  I want to spread art and beauty of the world to the world.  I want to give hope to the hopeless.  I want to use my business mind and entrepreneurship to become financially independent and successful in order to give my daughter the best possible life.  I will take action to do these things, not for me, for her.  She has saved my life, so I can provide the best possible life for her.  Blessings be upon you.

I will write more later.




15 Responses to “Reflection”



  2. Juscalmeree Says:

    I loved this, I’m about to be that first time mother also come January…very inspiring and keep up the uplifting work.

  3. TheTweeterMama Says:

    Ms. Monica, this was absolutely beautiful. Things in our lives happen for a reason. Your little baby came at the right time….u were headed down a destructive path. Since u had her u have grown up! WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD & WELCOME TO MOTHERHOOD! I am proud of u, even tho u don’t know me. {HUGZ}

  4. KarynLaura Says:

    Wow!! You sound just like me in a blog I wrote on my facebook. I understand how you feel 100%. Even though I am not in the spotlight, I too am in the spotlight of my daughter. I’ve made my share of mistakes. I got pregnant with her at 16, and I know how the world views teen moms. I, like you want to be a heroine. I have never been so determined to do something!! I’m a junior in college now, and my daughter is almost 3. She is in a very good private school, and I make sure I give her all she wants and needs. I work, go to school, and spend quality time with her. If I can do it as a 16 year old, you can do it as well. I’m 20 now and I’m still in a crossroad. I get lonely at times, but my heart is tired and stressed. Her father claims to love me so much, I think he loves me too much. When things don’t go his way, he has a bad temper and used to hit me. When things go his way, he’s the best dad and boyfriend. I lost my live for him when he proposed to me with bruises in my arm, I decided that was not the life I wanted, child or not. Some months into the engagement, I called it off. I often wonder if I’m the only single girl with a wedding dress in her closet =)
    There are so many more things that make me different and stand out the same way you do. I only wish that someday my story could be told and heard so I too could save young girls. I think you are a great woman, and your daughter will too. Don’t late your mistakes mold who you are, learn from them and let them help you become who you want to be. We can do it!!
    Ps, knowing that we have so much in common, I am even more happy that I was you for Halloween!!
    *follow me on twitter!!*

  5. Ethiopian Eyez Says:

    Girl Im happy 4 you. Congrats on your baby & live your life, cus no one else will live it for you. god bless you .

  6. josiah kelly Says:

    well done; i pray that you will seek God and his guidance during this time of crossroads, for he cares for you. Think of all the beautiful art that he creates every morning. He know your heart and what it holds. Let Him touch you with an everlasting love and you would have won. He loves alll and truly gave His life to save us all who only wish to be saved. I look forward to reading how your life transition into something beautiful and wonderful. Remember He cares for you.

  7. Sonya R. Says:

    Wow! What heartfelt words! You know Monica (if i can call you that) nothing in life, changes a woman more than when she becomes a mother. There is a an complete metamorphosis that occurs instantly the moment our child is born, and there are no amount of words that can describe or prepare us for this wonderful surprise. The words that you have written here say to me that you are going to be an extraordinary mother. So from one mother to another…enjoy and record all of your little ones’ milestones cause they come and go soooo fasst! One minute they’re laying in our arms so tiny and hlepless and the next they’re telling what they don’t want /like for breakfast anymore!!!…:) So once again, Congrats and …Welcome to Motherhood “the best ride” of your life!!!!!

  8. Sonya R. Says:

    Sorry about the typos.. I don’t comment alot to the things I read on the internet (should have used spell-check) so please forgive my errors in spelling . You said so many wonderful things in your blog post that I had to comment. I love how you speak about being a new mom and how you desire to help hurting women find themselves again. It is one of the pitfalls that we woman so unknowingly fall into over a period of time, as some of us who have become wives and mothers began a life of looking out for the loved ones in our lives and then due to lack of “know how” not let a piece of us die in the process. Keep fighting the good fight as my thought & prayers are with you!

  9. triniblossom Says:

    nice monica….really nice….as i said keep ur head up mama

  10. taylr Says:

    wow that was so beautiful..there is nothing more real then living life experiencing it making mistakes and not being afraid to admit them and ready to make a difference in others lives as well..Your daughter is blessed to have a mother such as you!! I support your path and am proud of it…I cant wait to have Monica’s creative and beautiful art on the walls of Taylrz Joynt…much love and talk to you soon!!! xoxo Taylr

  11. Luba Says:

    It’s a great blog, cuz i can feel that it honest and come’s from the heart.
    I wish u , do not lose yourself, try to do things right and you will recive back …- so much a positive things.
    Be strong and do not allow your child to do the same mistakes that you done in your life.
    It’s not about where u from, it’s about where are you going and what you doing now .
    Past is past. Do now good thigs and you will have a good future and your child too
    Just listen what ur heart says to you
    peace gurl and good luck

  12. Malika Says:

    Firstly my comment is not here to bash you or throw any negative light your way but this is something that I have always wondered…Why does it take having a daughter to realize that you need to change? Do you think it is possible to be an Entrepreneur and have people take you seriously if you have gotten there by appearing on some reality show( to get your name out there )…4 LUV or Not it was bound to be seen and your life is now public, the pictures are now public, and smashing the homies is now public. Did you honestly not think of those things before you did them. With Art being your passion in life how come you couldnt and didnt find a way to get your STARDOM that way(on your own). The excuse of being in a home without out love, or whatever excuse people use is no longer valid. How come you didnt bypass the show and try to get your name out there a different way. I hope the best for you and your daughter but for women of color it is hard to break the cycle of daughters following behind their mother without them making the same mistakes. I hope you are growing as a person not just because of the new role that you are taking as a mother but as something you really hope to achieve (personal, emotional, financial stability) Prove everyone wrong and Be Monica not Danger.

  13. Tasha Says:

    Hey Monica……..Yeah the world knows you as DANGER…….but at the end of the day its what ur daughter think of u………
    Can’t go on in life reflecting on the past………live in the present and think of the future u want for both you
    And your daughter. I am a big fan and I commend you for speaking your mind and letting the world know its okay to
    Be differnt. Being a young mother I no the difficulties that come with being a mom and wanting the best for
    Your child. Forget the haters if they aint hating you must be doing something wrong

  14. Mz Middy Says:

    hey girl…i just want you to know i been watching you ever since i watched for the love of ray j the first season….man im not into reality shows that much but i really like ray j and i really had alot of fun watching the first season…and yes im watchin the next i can admitt lol…i just wanted to say that your aiight with me girl…remember at our worst times of suffering and pain brings our biggest growth spiritually…sometimes you would never realize the enlightnment and the things learned if it wasnt for the hard times…man girl keep your head up…you are beautiful and very talented and i approve….teach your lil girl wisely be your own mvp always and cherish the treasures inside of you…I LOVE YOU MA and i hope to see more of you

  15. jackie Says:


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