Lovers and Lies

I was afraid to write for so long.  Worldwide judgment is hard to deal with no matter how confident you think you are.  I was always the girl that did her own thing, a little bit of a loner; even though I knew everyone and they knew me I wouldn’t be close with just anyone.  It’s hard to let people in your life when people generally disappoint you. 

I am in the process of working on a memoir.  Even though I am only 22 years old I feel that I have lived ten lives.  I have so much to say, but these words are hard to write.  Re-living painful situations bring you back to that place of torment and depression.  I am very happy right now and I am loving life, so writing about my past experiences is extremely difficult.  One thing that I did notice is that every time I fall in love…my life falls apart.  In part I think it’s who I choose to fall in love with, but it never fails.  I love hard.  I give myself completely and focus all my energy on making that person happy.  So now in noticing that weakness of mine, I have come to the conclusion that I need to not fall in love until I am ready. I also have to be extremely careful, especially now, on whom I decide to give my heart to. 

Blog question: How do you fall in love with out pain? Is it possible?



22 Responses to “Lovers and Lies”

  1. Lauren Says:

    so much respect for you && that you wanna change your life for your daughter.

    as for your question i don’t think it’s possible to fall in love without pain because at some point you’re going to get hurt but in the end it was either worth it or it wasn’t. if you’re happy in that moment than tht’s what matters and maybe that’s what makes the pain worth it.

    • tijuanaL Says:

      im speaking as a person who also love hard and been broken hearted. The strong love and support i have for people i care for has my heart broken again and that include very close family too. I see so much of myself in you and like you i realized a lot of things. It just hurt so bad that i had to realize it through pain…so to answer your question on my opinion i think it is possible to love with out feeling pain we just have to continue to search for it. To me love is never ending happiness and if your happy, pain dont exist in your world

  2. king_gordon Says:

    It’s like you said, you just have to be careful who you give your heart to. If you fall in love with the right person you don’t have to worry about them hurting you. Even if you and a that person don’t work out, you can come out of the relationship without being really hurt. That’s the kind of relationship I think is valuable even if it’s over. Life is about making mistakes, and more important learning from those mistakes. Base your future relationships on what you learn.

  3. shekiera Says:

    I think there will always be pain but u can’t definitely limit the amount of pain by choosing wisely. And beginning ur relationship the way you want it to be. You can’t focus all of ur energy on making someone else happy because then there is no gurantee that someone is making sure u are happy. Even in the best of relationships, you still have to put urself 1st. In my opinion @ least.

  4. Tiffany Says:

    I honestly dont think tht its possible to fall in love minus pain, hardship, or sacrafice. Love is a strong emotion, which in return leads to intense feelings!! Its definitely a risk! U have 2 b rdy!

  5. Tiffany Says:

    and I do believe that when u fall in love with the right person..its worth it all!! Because no matter what the both will have each other in the end.. <33

  6. Cremebroule Says:

    Set your standards high and just wait, and keep waiting. Never settle. Then, when it is time you will know.

    Love with reckless abandonment, as they say, give your all – always. Also, get in touch with your instincts so you dont fall for a “slick” one while remembering that diamonds are rare, if you know what I mean.

    Good Luck!

  7. Luba Says:

    Yeah it is possible.
    Do not fall in love with somebody u well don’t know,u not shure hes the one .or if you really don’t know what you want in this life.
    If u make up ur mind right u will find the right man.
    In love people are acting like a fools and if u find the right way to act realistic and do not give if u aint recived . You always can share yourself to somebody, it is a time question. Let man first open to you and only than if u are 100 % shure , you can opened to him. It will leess hurt’s, if he is not the right man, u do not show / open all yourself .-it be easy break up
    Thats my opinion

  8. Danyel Says:

    I love your blogs so far Monica! They’re so inspiring! And to answer your question, yes it is possible to fall in love without pain. I used to not think so until I finally found my special person ! 🙂 Best of luck to you girl in all you do!
    Danyel <33

  9. Sonya R. Says:

    Girl, you gotta Be Friends first!!! That’s a little statement, but a very true one. I have always loved to see a really happy couple and then learn that they were first, just really good friends. Not, even looking for love, when love came from out of nowhere, and they realized that what they were looking for was standing right before them all along! That kind of love to me, always seems to shine just a little bit brighter. Think of a few couples famous or not who have been together for like forever and then learn their story. I’ll bet you anything they were good friends before they ever became lovers. Like the saying goes…”having a baby changes everything”… having sex too soon will change what could have been a really good relationship into something that leaves you scratching your head and wondering what just happened!! Try slowing things down abit and see if you can begin to see through clearer lenses. ‘Cause those “love-hard” blinders can be tricky!!!.. Plus, remember the bible says in Proverbs 22:18 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing. And obtains favor from the Lord.” Girl let your husband find you!.. He’s out there and as much as you may be pulling him (spiritually) towards you.. he’s pulling you (spiritually) towards him!!! So, he’s coming!!! He’ll find you! I hope you understand that! 🙂
    God Bless!

    • Cristina Says:

      yes yes yes!! i agree with her 100% especially when she said this

      “Girl let your husband find you!.. He’s out there and as much as you may be pulling him (spiritually) towards you.. he’s pulling you (spiritually) towards him!!! So, he’s coming!!! He’ll find you!”

      that is the truth you have to believe in dat babygirl!! it will happen

  10. @DJBeatMiami Says:

    you have to accept pain with Love. Happiness exists in moments, what makes the difference is how many are created and how far apart those moments are. Another this is if life was all peachy it would feel like death, not experiencing the contrast of emotions. Having your heart broken sucks but imagine never feeling that closeness to another person that only love can give you. No highs to contrast the lows. So you stay at zero. Then lack of anything in you life leads to slowly sinking now you’ve sunk to a low but never had the high to sink from. To fall from love is extreme like an explosion but you heal from it . The slow burn of loneliness is like having your arm broken in slow motion. Slowly the pressure builds and the pain grows. I could get graphic but you end up with a briken arm but there was no fight.

  11. @kimmyc0le Says:

    I agree you you 110% about the getting too close to anyone! They end up to be deceiving!! I too have been the same way about not having any close friends! I don’t put anyone close in my life ever since my father passed.. I feel like everyones just full of it! I do have people I talk to but not people that I am “too close” to. For some reason I don’t allow that in my life… But I feel happier that way. And falling in love without pain is impossible! Its hard to not go through ups and downs with that person! Whether your in love or not, they both hurt. I’ve came to find out that’s just part of the process 😦

  12. Cristina Says:

    is short but sweet

    Monica i felt each and everyword u jus wrote and even the pain!! i kno million of us woman go thru this process each and eversingle day but the real truth is we can NEVER EVER GIVE UP..i am one example of almost jus loosin it all feelin lost and alone and wondering if i had bad luck or something cause i would get stuck wit the worse!!! guys ever and wondered why everyone one got to be happy but me…but when i really felt rock bottom! and was like falling into jus giving everything up something deep inside me dont give up and when i least excepted it..Prince charming ACTUALLY!!! SHOWED UP.. so trust me ma it will happen “YOU JUS CANT GIVE UP..”


  13. Sharon H Says:

    In my humble opinion, I don’t think its possible to fall in love without the hurt…. I am much older than you and have been to hell and back in my own love life. Everytime I truly fell in love, loving as hard as I do, I’ve been hurt… Looking back, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  14. sha Says:

    no its not you have to put your heart out there to knos if its really 4 you.

  15. Carrie Pink Says:

    It is impossible to love without pain, unfortunately you have to take the Good with the Bad. You remind me so much of my younger self, full of passion, big dreams and fantasies…. Whenever I watched that show I knew you were the best choice for Ray ; )

    Anyway the trick here is really getting to know who you love before you love them. You have to protect your heart from loving the wrong people. Especially after major heart break. However the worst thing you can do is stop loving altogether.

    Just switch the receiver of your love. Give unwavering love to your daughter, give it to your painting, give it to your writing, never stop loving!! ; 0 )

  16. RaShida Says:

    after readin this it reminds me of myself. I love hard, making sure I do everything to make that other person happy. And what I was told is that im trying to fulfill my happiness through that other person, and no one will be happy with me if im not happy with myself. so what im learning to do and the advice I give to you is to know what you want ahead of time. set the tone for the way you want your future to be. make sure YOU are happy FIRST in every situation. And don’t fall in so soon. Take a step back and give yourself time to analyze the situation, always remembering you cannot change anybody.. Hope this helps!

  17. Sierra Says:

    I agree with Sharon H. I am also a lot older than you and every relationship before I have had heartache with it. But after the pain is gone you’re much stronger and wiser and you know what and who to look out for. What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. I am speaking from experience trust me. I finally found a good man who treats me the way a man should and loves my kids like they’re his and I couldn’t be happier. But I had to go through a lot of frogs before I found my prince. Yours will come when the time is right and YOU are ready for him…good luck and god bless!!

  18. heaven hollywood Says:

    with love comes pain .. it is almost impossible to have love without having some sought of pain .. the love of ur kids stay forever but its painful watching them grow up in this world all love brings pain

  19. NIKA. Says:

    Pain is inevitable when it comes to love. For those of us who love hard and get completely open.. we are vulnerable.. to happiness and heartache. just like good cant exsist without evil. part of truly loving someone is to respect the fact that they are only human. their emotions are their own and it may not always mesh with ours and that can at times cause the spark that ignites the fire. betrayls are inevitable because no one can be happy all the time. life wont allow it. and no matter what… whether its in life or in death.. they leave. someone leaves and somene gets left. so u start to feel like.. whats the point? ive realized its in the moments. Love is bittersweet.

  20. DaJahna Says:

    It is definitely not possible to fall in love w/o enduring pain. When ur in love with another, along comes worry and concern for their well-being as well as concern for your self and your future with that person. When that loved one isnt doing something thats right, or right for you at least, its human nature to react on that. Whether it shows thru arguing or building a wall, at the end it all causes pain. Its the only way (in my opinion) to recognize yourself, and whats best for you.


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