Words and Reality

Man I have been quiet for soooo long and not writing from my heart, so now that I have begun to write..the words are just pouring out of me.  I have sooooo much to say.  I am very excited for my cameo on the Ray j’s “looking for love” second season.  I made an appearance in my eighth month of pregnancy!  I had such a hard time being pregnant.  I was so fat and I couldn’t sleep at all.  It was uncomfortable and heavy to walk around, and everywhere I went someone would recognize me, and I wasn’t feeling pretty at all.  I was in deep hiding, and barely left the house.  At the show’s heightened popularity I tried to keep my pregnancy a secret for as long as possible.  My belly grew, the show’s popularity grew, and there was no hiding the media attention of the initial rumor coming out.  I was nervous because here I am wanting to be an actress and be taken seriously, on a reality show looking for love with a celebrity.  It is a double edged sword.  I went from being unknown to being widely known for all the wrong reasons… My dream to be an actress and the reality being now I will be known as a reality “star”. 

Now, after giving birth which was a two day ordeal and major surgery (c-section) I am left with….so now what am I going to do with my life?  Child birth is very close to death.  Many people have their own images and thoughts when it comes to me and these for “love” shows seem very fake to me.  I think whoever saw Season 1 would know that my feelings and emotions were real even though the editing made me look crazy.  I guess I am a little crazy though. 🙂 Season 2 should be very interesting and I wonder where this will leave us? The reality of my situation is I am left to seek out my next television project.  I want to keep the momentum going.  I have a great idea that has come to me from some very close friends and I do not want to disappoint the people reading this blog, looking for what I am going to do next.  I will keep you updated with what I am doing now. 

A friend of my mother’s, she is an eighth grade teacher here in the bay area, asked her to see if I would come and speak to a group that she works with.  This group is for women who need to gain the courage to survive, women with AIDS, women who are battling drug addiction, and women who have endured the hardships of life.  I asked my mother, why would she want me to speak?? What could I possibly say to them to inspire them or instill hope?? I am just a bay area girl on a silly reality show.  I was encouraged that I am strong and would instill strength and endurance through times of hardship.  So I am trying to wrap my mind around the words I will say to these women.  I hope I can help them.  Someone left a comment on my earlier blog asking me why I chose to do a reality show in the first place, wanting to be a business woman or a serious actress, why didn’t I use another avenue to do so.  My response to that is: There are not any opportunities out there to get mainstream exposure for many women of color out there.  I just so happened to really fall in love and get my heart ripped out in the process for your entertainment.  🙂 It just kind of worked out that way.  If I didn’t do that show you probably would not be reading this right now, so I guess I did something right! 🙂 Good night my loves….more will come tomorrow!



11 Responses to “Words and Reality”

  1. Tia aka shortyrise Says:

    wow i def respect you for really opening up your thoughts to people around the world. i kinda figured they were making you out to be this crazy girl on tv but here i see your just like anyone else: a women who just wants to make her dreams come true and provide for her daughter. and to get in the biz you gotta hustle so if that means reality tv to get your start do what you gotta do! my mom has taught me as black women its something in us that gives us to drive to make a way whether its gaining your dream or paying bills!

    now i think thats cool that she asked you to speak to these women and help them obviously you have something to offer them you seem to be very relatetable. and right now you dont know what u will say but
    the bible says “for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”-matthew 12:34
    so when the time comes just dig deep into your heart when you turn off your mind and listen to your heart….inspiration will arise! im lookin forward to reading more!

  2. Brandy Says:

    At a point in my life when I was about your age I asked myself this question. “Is it better to have love ending in pain, or to have never loved at all?” Well…I choose love! An loved many times, putting myself out there. I am sure you know how it is, living in the Bay is not easy, for the sharks swim everywhere, both shallow and deep. However, love with whatever pain it may have came with was worth it. In the end, it makes us who we are! Passionate, strong, emotional, stable, loving, caring, understanding, and just better. Your a strong woman, wise beyond your years. Don’t feel bad about any of your choices. It is not about where you have been but where you are going. Your daughter is lucky to have you as a mother. An one day, God will put the right man in your lives. Till then, keep living passionatly for that lil girl.

  3. CheebaLove Says:

    u r not just a reality star ur not that u r a artist and a pretty damn great one.peace and much love…

  4. Monica Jones Says:

    Hey i think your a beautiful person both in and out and keep making the right moves that will get u to where you want to be.I respect your decision to tell it all and hope you and your daughter will be blessed.You only have one life to live so dont hold back and dont live to regret!follow me on twitter @bornceo would love to help pub everything you do!

  5. Josiah Kelly Says:

    Now that you have blown up to a big”reality star” Know that God can work out all things for the good of them that love Him. I think in order to not get hurt in love you need to make a list of the things your looking for in a husband. here is a list that i wish i had written before i was married.
    No. 1 A person that can put up with your faults, and not react negatively.
    2. A kind person
    3. A person is neither jealous of your success, nor always wanting other people stuff.
    4. a person who is not prideful but humble.
    5. Is not rude, or a fighter (violent person)
    6. doesn’t dwell on evil things. (like porn or anything negative)
    7. Someone you know who will be with you through the thick and thin.

  6. Joy Says:

    Hi Monica,
    I am currently working on a fashion show in which will be hosted in February 2010 in San Jose, ca. Its a fashion show that helps to raise awareness about eating disorders and also women’s self esteem. I wanted to know if you can come out and speak? I feel like you are a very brave woman who is strong and not afraid to stand up for herself, and if you can encourage these teenagers to start loving themselves , including their body, it would just be fantastic. Please consider it. My e-mail is listed. Thank you.

  7. Joy Says:

    Hi Monica,
    My name is Joy and I’m currently working with an organization called EDRC to host our second annual fashion show in which will be at the Vallyfair mall in San Jose in February 2010. the purpose of the show is to raise awareness of eating disorders among our community and also help teens to realiZe that there is nothig wrong with their body and also to help them with their self esteem.

    I feel that you are a very brave woman who is strog and not afraid to speak up for herself ad I think it would just be great to have you as a guest at our show to speak to young girls, or even young boys about accepting themselves and also learn to love themselves.

    Please consider this. my email is listed along with this comment, thank you!

    Wish you all the best.

  8. Tatty Says:

    Let me start by saying congrats on your new bundle of joy.

    This blog was deep and it showed a different side of you that “reality TV” failed to do. I don’t know if what you wrote is true but it feels like your telling the truth. I hope everything works out with you career. No matter how crazy they portrayed you to be your are a great person. You will have a great career as Just Monica without the “danger” label

  9. Sierra Says:

    Honestly I watched the show because of you. You remind me of myself in a lot of ways. I see the pain you’ve gone through in your life without you even saying so. I too have went through tremendous pain and because I am strong and don’t take crap from people they think I am a little crazy too..lol! But we know who we are and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of us. So you take good care of that little girl and always stay true to yourself…Much love!!!

  10. Sara Says:

    This is very beautiful, I really makes you stick out as someone who isn’t just a woman who is pretty on camera and fights for attention from one guy, but that you actually have a deep, inner soul and are amazingly good at expressing that.


  11. heaven hollywood Says:

    i can’t lie i started watching ray-j cause ray is my boy and he told me about the show but as i watched and i saw you i was hooked

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