Staring at the Stars

I used to be more of a poet.

In the darkness I look up in the sky across an empty field in the country and star at the stars.  I feel small.  One person is tiny in the vastness of the universe.  It makes you think…why are we here, what is the purpose of being alive?  To experience, to die, to love, to feel?  How is one person significant and others insignificant? I look at my daughter and just stare at her.  Who are you going to be?  How can I teach you to be a good person?  How can I teach you to have thick skin, and keep your feet firmly planted in the ground yet still be full of fantasy and dream?  My little brother plays his electric guitar in the background…as I write.  It’s a blessing taking a break and spending time with my family.  They don’t know me as Danger…only Monica.  This connection with Ray J is really almost over…the past will be in the past and by January…it will be done.  I contemplate my next move like a chess move.  I have to think very carefully over what I will do next.  My birthday is coming up on the 27th of this month; I will be 23 years old.  My first art exhibition is on November 28th in San Diego.  I have exhibited my photography before, but never my art.  I am excited.  My days are filled with comforting, feeding, and changing my newborn and as she rests I paint.

I paint the world I see when my eyes are closed.  I paint skies and depths filled with color, fantasy, and figures with pain and strength in their eyes.  I paint truth and deception.

What would you paint?



15 Responses to “Staring at the Stars”

  1. Kasey Says:

    I actually love to paint flowers.

  2. Lauren Says:

    you are definately an artist. not only because you paint, but just the way you write. you write beautifully too. and as for ray j, hey atleast it got you a chance to make your fans fall in love with you and i’m sure a majority of them are following along with your life and not ray j’s 😉

  3. chastepen Says:

    “truth and deception” two oxymorons… which to me explains your personality. (i’m only assuming, as a human being would)

    I think the blog is a reflection of self, but also very insightful, and a bit inspiring. “In the darkness I look up in the sky…” (my favorite line) of this piece.)

    Question: Who keeps you in the darkness?

    You should never be afraid to express yourself no matter what the outcome will be. I look at the date of your first blog compared to your more recent ones and I see there’s a gap, maybe a void… Why?

    Your words make me more inquistive. Maybe that’s the point. That’s what’s intriguing…

  4. Sonya R. Says:

    I don’t know what I would paint!!! I just know that I am a very creative person and painting is one of those goals that I just haven’t been able to start. Hopefully, I will do it soon!

  5. Tia aka shortyrise Says:

    wow you have a way with words.
    what would i paint?
    probably an open field with losts of grass and high trees around the edges. i love being in nature like that cause when i sit in the grass and look up to the sky it makes me forget my problems and feel a since of freedom!
    i dont get that feeling often since i live in the hood

  6. Josiah Kelly Says:

    I would paint the reflection of imagination. the ripples of infactuation, the rythm of inspiration, the rising of insatiable obsession.

  7. TINKA123 Says:

    Wow, my Birthday is coming up to Dec. 1, I will be 28! you are so artistic, stay strong willed, and continue to let GOD guide you daily

  8. lightskinbeauty Says:

    I would paint a sun,a beach, nice brown hot sand& a huge sun, why? because it reminds me of your blogs, there so calm & relaxing & I can read them all day, in my eyes yu are truly a role model, I love how yu stand up for yourself & don’t care what other people think.I’m glad yu were a part of the ray j show because yu inspired me in so many different ways, I wish yu the best with your art work & congratulations on your baby girl.
    love ya:-) from your #1fan

  9. D. Danh Says:

    When I had to take an art class at Ohlone college down in Freakmont I ended the class with a painting that was a lot like what you do. A woman holding two children and another woman holding her face in her hands. It was a way for me to get out in art the pain i was feeling after my ex’s mother took my twin boys from me. She is the DA of my hometown and I was broke and alone. It’s very good for the soul to take your emotions out on canvas.

  10. Sarshboogie Says:

    Beautully written Monica…

  11. DGreat1 Says:

    I don’t believe Ray J show was for you ma, you got way more potential than that than to be chasing sum wack dude on cam in front of the world. Ya baby looks cute by the way and keep doing you, stay blessed

  12. CheebaLove Says:

    very beautiful.u tell it how it is and thats y i fell in love with u now that i no ur real name ur not just danger even though its freakin hot but u are monica which is the most beautiful…

  13. Beautifuldanni Says:

    I would love for you to paint a picture of me…i always wanted someone who knows how to paint paint a portrait of me! “)

  14. NIKA. Says:

    “How can I teach you to have thick skin, and keep your feet firmly planted in the ground yet still be full of fantasy and dream?”… Wow. I have a tattoo dedicated to that idea- but its more of a faith vs. logic thing. i would paint Fate.. how even everything seemingly insignificant is a prelude to my destiny. how nothing is planned.. yet part of a plan i couldnt even begin to fathom. Fate saved me from regret. ugh.. its the theme of my exsistence and i dont think i could ever capture it on paper, canvas, or through a lens as i have in my heart. its almost frustrating BUT ironically.. it deepens my infatuation with it.

    ur very blessed to be able to think and express yourself the way that u do at our age. congrats on doing what you love =)

  15. heaven hollywood Says:

    If i had the talent you had i would take the connections i have now in he industry and paint love and pain and the misguidence of love in the industry
    i would also paint vulnerability and illuminatti to warn everyone of the future. so many things i would paint good question

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